Sock Queen: One is very excited about the Royal wedding of Harry and Meghan Markle. One may be the Queen of Socks but one has so many hats, it’s nice to dust them off for a special occasion.
I like the nice blue hat I’m wearing in this photo. It was given to me by the ambassador from Sole-omon Islands. Queens get lots of presents and we get to live in palaces, not shoeboxes! Come with me now on a tour of the places Meghan now has a family connection to.
This is the Queen’s official home of course. The rumour is that the Royal family all hate it, they think it’s too big, too expensive and the roof leaks when it rains. The Queen is even supposed to go around switching off lights to save money! If the draughts get too much, one knows where Her Majesty can get some socks to keep the Royal toesies warm...
St James’s Palace
This is the palace that’s almost a secret! Yes, there’s a whole palace in the centre of London that people don’t even know is there. Henry VIII built St James’s Palace just before he died, and you can find it just orf Piccadilly. It’s round the corner from The Ritz, which is the perfect spot to have a posh tea beforehand. Stroll up to the pretty gate tower and pretend to be an ambassador, or peer into the courtyard. You might see Prince Charles and Princess Anne if you’re lucky, it’s where they live.
Tower of London
Speaking of Henry VIII, this is where he sent his wives Anne Boleyn and Katherine Howard when he got tired of them. Henry had quite the temper, even Don Cottone wouldn’t have gone that far. The crown jewels are kept in the Tower now and even though the public can visit, one hasn’t gone because of concern a Beefeater will use one to clean the coronation crown.
One has to open a village feet now - one has so many Royal duties to perform - so Kate Middle-Toe will continue this tour of Royal London. Toodle-pip!
Kate Middle-Toe: My home is at Kensing-toe Palace but this is Kensington Palace, where William and Kate live. If Buckingham Palace is a bit down at heel, Kensington is where it’s at! Harry and Meghan are going to live in a cottage in the grounds, which will put a stop to Harry raiding his brother’s fridge. Me? I like to hang out in Kensing-toe Gardens and look at the art in the Serpentine Gallery with my friends David Sock-Knee and Feet Mondrian.
Harry and Meghan are getting married in Windsor, which is fine for a small ceremony but for a major bash you want to book Westminster Abbey. It’s where William and Kate were married: did you know 1,900 people came to see their wedding? Imagine having to write all those invitations! Lots of other Royals are buried in the Abbey; my fave is Henry V because he also married a Catherine.
Shhhh, don’t talk about the Banqueting House too loudly: this is where Charles I met his end. King Charles was executed in 1649 and the building’s still there, on Whitehall. They built a high scaffold and make him walk out of a window so everyone could see! Sock Queen doesn’t like to think about it, she says it makes her imagine being unravelled. I don’t want to upset her with a photo of the building, so here’s one of me in the Diana's Memorial Garden instead.