If you think your socks are just something to keep your toes warm or stop your shoes from rubbing, think again! Your socks are a powerful insight into what kind of person you are – here’s the key points to remember next time you’re deciding what foot-gloves to slip into.
For some, a hole in the sock is the end of a once beautiful relationship. For others it’s the perfect excuse to poke your toe right through and start a puppet show in your shoes. Despite hipster-chic currently being de rigueur you still run the risk of looking vaguely homeless if your socks have more holes in than Sepp Blatter’s tax return.
You could be the kind of funky cat that rolls your socks down to the ankle and prances round like a sailor. Or maybe you’re as square as a Victorian headmaster and pull them halfway up your shins, using a spirit level to ensure total symmetry. Be aware that you may be attracting the wrong crowd if you’re slouching on the bus with your trouser socks at different heights after a mad night on the ale.
It’s obvious to us that socks should be clean but just how clean is clean? Do you change yours every day? Or wait until Sundays? Do you carry a spare pair in case of an emergency visit to the bowling alley? Maybe you wait until the socks become one with your feet and chisel them off, in which case you may need to seek professional help.
It’s one thing being a wild-living, hard-loving sock maverick leaving a trail of destruction and filthy bobby socks behind you. But how on earth are you going to find a matching pair for that job interview? Will they be in the designated sock drawer? Or will you be rummaging under the sofa to find the missing item? (If you find any behind the fridge you’ll definitely need to re-evaluate your life choices.) Maybe you’re staunchly Conservative, refusing to recognize any sock without an identical partner, or perhaps you lean very much to the left, believing all socks are ‘created equal with pairings being merely a device employed by the system to keep us distracted.’ That got quite heavy for a second then, didn’t it?
You’ve got a new pair of socks. But they’re not just any old socks. They’re Chattyfeet socks and they feel like an extension of your own personality. Are these socks that happen to be yours or are they definitely YOUR SOCKS? Maybe you enjoy the sight of seeing your loved one wearing these socks, or perhaps the mere sight of this is enough to force you to dunk their toothbrush in the toilet when they’re not looking. Your reaction to this will say a lot about your ability to share and ultimate suitability as a sock owner.
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